It's Official: The Pirates Are Pittsburgh's Team

After comparing Bob Nutting's statement commemorating the Pirates' record-setting loss to Luke Ravenstahl's recent statements about Pittsburgh's finances and direction, I have concluded that the only substantive difference between the Pirates' organization and the City of Pittsburgh government is that the National League publishes standings.

The Propositions Board has been adjusted accordingly. Anyone who bet the Pirates would not become The Worst Franchise In The Recorded History Of America's Major Professional Sports should consider giving a formal power of attorney to a small child, a pet, or a houseplant.