Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween! (Hold The X-Rays)

Halloween is a great holiday. Parents preparing to agonizingly scrutinize children's collected treats -- and anyone considering how much they should fear their fellow citizens, tonight and in general -- might benefit from some good news: There apparently has never been a documented case of poisoned treats.

So enjoy a wonderful night of community for children of all ages!

Infytune: Monster Mash, Bobby "Boris" Pickett (pictured, right)
Infytune: Spooky, Atlanta Rhythm Section

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Mylan Continues Response To Creative Resume Scandal Of Its Vice President COO Director Chief Executive Officer

Quit wasting money on tuition, future CEOs of America! Mylan Inc. (parent of Mylan Pharmaceuticals) today provides vivid proof one need not earn an MBA to reach the summit in corporate America. Being the child of a governor senator and riding that to a gig as loyal lieutenant to an asswipe obviously suffices.

(Any chance the Bresch controversy figured in the Southeastern Conference's apparent conclusion that West Virginia University's academic reputation falls short of the educational standard established by such luminaries of learning as the University of Arkansas, Ole Miss, and Mississippi State University?)

Infytune: The Great Pretender, Freddie Mercury

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

For Those Who Would Rely On The Judgment Of The Republican Primary Election Voter

For anyone taking comfort -- while watching Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, and Newt Gingrich speak at podiums -- from the thought 'there's no way the Republicans would actually nominate someone like that,' a sobering point of evidence from the ongoing review of the Nixon White House recordings, which continues to embellish the record of the first beneficiary of the Southern Strategy:
President of the United States Richard Nixon: Well how about announcing Powell this afternoon?

Attorney General of the United States John Mitchell: I wouldn't do that until we've first --

Nixon: Heard from Walsh?

Mitchell: Yeah, we want to program that committee so we can blame the woman on that. ...

Nixon: Well, I get your point ... Incidentally, what is Rehnquist? I suppose he's a damn Protestant?

Mitchell: I'm sure of that. He's just as WASPish as WASPish can be.

Nixon: Yeah, well, that's too damn bad. Tell him to change his religion.

Mitchell: All right, I'll get him baptized this afternoon.

Nixon: Well, get him baptized and castrated -- no, they don't do that, I mean they circumcise -- no, that's the Jews. Well anyway, whatever he is, get him changed.

Mitchell: All right, let me pursue this further ...
Infytune: Ohio, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young
Infytune: Watergate Blues, Gil Scott-Heron
Infytune: Line 'Em Up, James Taylor

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Bin Laden, Gadhafi, Iraq -- Three Ugly Chapters Closed During Fine Foreign Policy Year For America

The announcement that all nearly all American troops will leave Iraq by year-end (a couple of hundred soldiers are to remain posted to guard a billion dollar monument to U.S. stupidity) is welcome news.

A number of people -- most prominently, those whose pursuit of the Republican nomination for president appears to have impaired their memories of a longstanding commitment to withdraw by the end of this year -- are criticizing this decision, joining the column of embittered, discredited warmongers who contend the United States should still be bombarding Vietnam (and Laos, and Cambodia, and Thailand) and mutter that decent Americans should have 'Kent Stated' all of the anti-war freaks when they had the chance.

With the deaths of Osama bin Laden (who had inexplicably eluded America for nearly a decade) and Moammar Gadhafi (deposed at a cost to American taxpayers approximating the amount paid each day for pointless, fatal failure in Iraq), the departure from Iraq marks a fine year of foreign policy accomplishment for President Obama.

Infytune: War, Edwin Starr
Infytune: What's So Funny (About Peace, Love And Understanding), Vote For Change tour version
Infytune: Last To Die, Bruce Springsteen And The E Street Band

Friday, October 21, 2011

A Short Poem Concerning The Occupiers: Millions + Minions < Credibility + Substance

We intend to commend and counsel the Occupiers (and to needle some naysayers) in an original manner, but until then:
All Dick Scaife's millions,
And all Dick Scaife's minions,
Couldn't withstand the force,
Of Slag-Heaped opinions

Infytune: The Dirty Jobs, The Who with David Gilmour

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Gadhafi's Time To Die Arrives, A Bit Overdue

A bit overdue, but Moammar Gadhafi's time to die arrived shortly after the fugitive former despot was discovered cowering in a sewer pipe.

One less selfish, brutal bastard on our planet.

Infytune: Beautiful Day, U2

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

InsolvenCity Future, Behold InsolvenCity Present

To glimpse The Ghost Of The All-Too-Real InsolvenCity Future, one may gaze eastward, toward InsolvenCity Present.

Infytune: All I Want For Christmas Is You, Mariah Carey
Infytune: Christmas In Hollis, Run-D.M.C.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Occupiers Provide Primer In Ineffectiveness

Here is a vivid demonstration of why the Occupiers seem destined to be a group of well-meaning but low-functioning people unlikely to be effective (despite the availability of outstanding advice):

Were celery sticks, raisins, and juice served shortly after this performance concluded?

Infytune: Mockingbird, Carly Simon and James Taylor (No Nukes)

A Couple Of Suggestions For Occupy Pittsburgh

As the Occupiers attempt to establish position in Pittsburgh, we fear that two factors could predictably interfere with the group's effectiveness. The first is inefficiency (counterproductive egalitarianism of the type that generates 90-minute discussions concerning whether to mention God in a mission statement), the second ineffectiveness (amateurism can be endearing but also hapless).

We therefore offer a couple of suggestions, developed without a seven-hour meeting but with an aim of message, publicity, simplicity, lawfulness, and feasibility:

1. Occupy the privileged portion of Sixth Avenue fronting the Duquesne Club (325), public property which Pittsburgh and its police enable a tycoons' social club to use as a private parking lot for the pampered. Surround a scofflaw Benz or Bentley and chant "Why Do Millionaires Park For Free? The Answer Is Luke And The FOP."

2. Occupy the lovely, leafy stretch of Devonshire Street fronting the University of Pittsburgh chancellor's residence (718), using sleeping bags to illustrate that Devonshire is an especially comfortable street -- for the privileged and subsidized. Chant "Why Is A Millionaire's House Tax-Free? Ask The Guy From Pitt and UPMC."

Can anyone explain why the parcel occupied by the Pitt chancellor's residence is listed out of order at the county real estate website, making it unusually difficult to find, or why so little information about the property is provided?

If Occupiers would like other suggestions, let us know.

Infytune: Power To The People, John Lennon
Infytune: For What It's Worth, Buffalo Springfield
Infytune: Revolution, Beatles

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Raja Campaign Makes An Iffy Candidate Look Good -- But That Candidate Is Rich Fitzgerald

It is not surprising that an immigrant named Raja running for office as a Republican in Democrat-dominated Allegheny County would encounter difficulty in assembling a good campaign staff, but the shoddy work of D. Raja's campaign is nonetheless striking.

A current Raja television spot derides Rich Fitzgerald as a "career politician." Fitzgerald has never made politics his career. Fitzgerald's livelihood has for more than 25 years derived from a company he founded, Aquanef. Fitzgerald has been a county council member -- a part-time position that pays roughly enough to cover parking at the Grant-at-Forbes lot during council meetings -- for half as long as he has worked at Aquanef. These circumstances make Raja's "career politician" assertion a lie.

We would like to know more about Aquanef and its operations -- and, in particular, its relationships with government agencies and entities positioned to benefit from a county executive's decisions -- but Raja has ignored substance and instead chosen disingenuous cheap shots.

That advertisement also accuses Fitzgerald of imposing "the highest tax in the history of Allegheny County." This is either an intentionally misleading claim or a falsehood. If Raja refers to a tax increase, imposition of the Regional Asset District tax generated a multiple of the revenue associated with imposition of the drink tax. If Raja refers to gross revenue, county property tax revenues dwarf drink tax revenues. Again, Raja is working fertile ground -- Fitzgerald chose poor policy and procedure in imposing the drink tax -- but he ignores the hay and ventures into the weeds.

A candidate who resorts to lies a month before the election is desperate and, in this case, likely doomed. Raja's campaign staff seems incapable of arranging victory for its flawed candidate, but the Raja campaign is succeeding with respect to one tough task: It is making Rich Fitzgerald look good.

Infytune: Lies, The Rolling Stones
Infytune: La-La-La Lies, The Who
Infytune: Little Lies, Fleetwood Mac

Saturday, October 8, 2011

A Man, A Mouth, And A Major Miscasting

After today's 34-10 flameout at Rutgers, three points are apparent with respect to the Pitt football team:

1. Ray Graham is a man.

2. Todd Graham is a mouth.

3. Tino Sunseri is miscast.

Infytune: My Best Was Never Good Enough, Bruce Springsteen

Woodland Hills Wins Assessment Bowl, 38-0; Avonworth Tops North Catholic's Leeches, 9-0

In the annual Assessment Bowl, Woodland Hills' Wolverines overcame undeserved privilege in a convincing manner Friday evening, whipping Fox Chapel's Foxes, 38-0.

Woody High has earned a 5-1 record this season; Fox Chapel, despite all the unconstitutionally unfair advantages Dan Onorato and Rich Fitzgerald could provide, is 2-4.

Avonworth's Antelopes, meanwhile, outran the North Catholic Leeches, 9-0.

Two shutouts. One of the things politically tainted money can't buy, apparently, is a point.

Infytune: Fortunate Son, John Fogerty, Bruce Springsteen
Infytune: Can't Buy Me Love, The Beatles

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Tea Party Mathematics: How Would Raja Propose To Replace Drink Tax Revenue?

Raja has approximate 15 minutes to devise a proposal for replacing roughly $45 million in Allegheny County revenue that would be lost consequent to elimination of the drink tax. He should probably refrain from consulting the financial advisers who overlooked the Regional Asset District tax when declaring that imposition of the drink tax -- a mistake for which Rich Fitzgerald is accountable -- had effected the largest tax increase in Allegheny County history.

Infytune: Loan Me A Dime, Boz Scaggs

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

God To Palin: Shackle Thyself Not With The Constraints Of Being Leader Of Free World

Noting with regret that the presidency of the United States of America is just too small a canvas for her brushstrokes of insight, former half-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has announced that she is quitting her 2012 presidential campaign even before its formal start.

Mrs. Palin did not use those precise words; her precise words were that the presidency seemed “too shackle-y” for “someone like me, who's a maverick -- you know, I do go rogue and I call it like I see it.”

Mrs. Palin's formal statement implies that God did not support her for president.

Bright side: This provides more time for her to surf the Intertubes.

The Promised Land/Running On Empty, Jackson Browne and Bruce Springsteen

Raja Breakfast Special: Waffles And Whiskey

The first flare of desperation in the Allegheny County Executive contest is to be launched at 10 a.m. tomorrow. Republican Raja has consulted polling results and fundraising totals has, after an extended period of waffling, found religion on the drink tax . . . and a corresponding endorsement. Details at 10.

Can proposals to eliminate property taxes (without replacement revenue), sell all county parkland, and privatize or outsource the entirety of county government be far behind?

Infytune: Turn Your Love Around, George Benson

Welcome, Wasilla!!!

Infinonymous has welcomed visitors from nearly every corner of our globe -- international visits spike when Pittsburgh police are conducting a world-class demonstration of unprovoked police brutality -- but so far as we are aware we broke our Wasilla, Alaska cherry (IP address: Gci Communications) just before 6 a.m. this morning:

Entry Page Time: 5 Oct 2011 05:48:11
Location: Wasilla, Alaska, United States
IP Address: Gci Communications (
Search Referral: — rifles crossed
Visit Page: Infinonymous: August 2009

Our Alaskan visitor(s) landed on this page.

Welcome, Wasilla!

Infytune: Yellow Snow, Dweezil Zappa
Infytune: Papa Don't Preach, Madonna
Infytune: Super Freak, Rick James

Again, The Public Is Indebted To Ravenstahl

Because many vermin prefer the dark and shun illumination, compiling even a close-to-comprehensive list of names of the List-Makers, cream-skimmers, and other active obstacles to good government in and around InsolvenCity would constitute a formidable endeavor.

The public therefore is indebted to Ravenstahl For Mayor for not only compiling but indeed publishing such a list.

We do not wish to discount this performance of public service, but it seems appropriate to note that copies of campaign contribution checks, telephone logs of calls from leeches seeking public funds, and the signature sections of no-bid government contracts provided a unique head start to Ravenstahl For Mayor in this context.

For anyone unfamiliar with Jim Croce, this set of Infytunes is offered as a special treat.

Infytune: I Got A Name, Jim Croce
Infytune: Operator, Jim Croce
Infytune: Bad Bad Leroy Brown, Jim Croce
Infytune: Time In A Bottle, Jim Croce (Muppets)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Fitzgerald Shelves Taste For Drink Tax When His Top-Shelf Friends Are Doing The Imbibing

Rich Fitzgerald seems destined to succeed Dan Onorato as Allegheny County Executive -- in part because the Republican Party leaders who pushed Raja to run apparently forgot that although not all Republicans are racist, most racists are Republicans -- and also appears committed to continuing Onorato's immoral rope-a-dope on regressive (and unconstitutionally unfair) property tax assessments.

Republicans can console themselves, however, with the thought that mansion-dwellers are not the only privileged citizens pampered by Onorato-Fitzgerald policies.

When Fitzgerald was enjoying (right) the sumptuous dining-and-drinking offerings under the tent at the Riverlife Party On The Pier fundraiser on Friday evening, for example, did it trouble our executive-to-be that while his average constituent tosses a buck or two the county's way from a barstool -- thanks to the regressive drink tax Fitzgerald championed as county council president -- the
Seen-worthy patrons at the fancy catered events (left) he regularly attends drink tax-free? (The tax is owed; it just isn't paid by organizers or caterers of many political and charitable fundraising events, without a peep or disapproving glance from county officials.)

With Democrats like Dan Onorato and Rich Fitzgerald, who needs Republicans?

Infytune: V.S.O.P., Above The Law

Monday, October 3, 2011

'Sporty In Pink' Roethlisberger (And Dick's) Still Showing Solidarity With All The Bitches

Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger wore plenty of pink (right) -- including what appears to be a pair of pink panties (left) -- during yesterday's game against the Houston Texans.

This pick from the palette not only should move some merchandise sold by a bunch of Dick's, but also enables Ben to show solidarity with all his bitches.

Infytune: Pretty In Pink, Psychedelic Furs
Infytune: Eminence Front, The Who

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Sunday School: When To Speak With The Police

This two-part lesson is apt even in a jurisdiction in which police officers act properly (and are held accountable for improper conduct):

Advanced study: The American Civil Liberties Union knows your rights.

Infytune: Someone To Talk To, The Police
Infytune: Cocaine Blues, Johhny Cash (live at Folsom Prison)