Sunday, April 25, 2010

Does Ben Belong On A Catalog Of Dick's?

Another announcement with respect to the Ben Roethlisberger situation is planned. This is not surprising. There is more that requires recitation, although not necessarily from Roethlisberger. (What can be expected from someone whose vocabulary reportedly ranges from 'All you bitches, take my shots' and 'she's ready, guys, watch the door' to 'maybe you should check with the manager because most places really don't give me a bill'?)

Observers with character, for example, have been awaiting word from Oregon, headquarters of Nike, concerning that company's relationship with the Steelers quarterback, and in particular the ironically named "Marauder" line of cleats. Oregon is thousands of miles from Pittsburgh, however, and from the "sausage party," so Nike might still gathering reports from farflung correspondents.

Substantially closer is Findlay Township, headquarters of Dick's Sporting Goods. Close enough that Edward Stack, chairman of Dick's, might have a daughter who got stiffed as a waitress in a North Hills or Cranberry restaurant. If serving sandwiches is beneath the daughter of a CEO, perhaps company president Joseph Schmidt has a daughter who has attended a party, or visited a bar along Carson Street. Maybe chief marketing officer Jeffrey Hennion has a wife who walked into the wrong ladies' room. Or perhaps one of the eight men -- no Dick's director is a woman -- who calls the signals at Dick's knows a business owner who got stuck with an unpaid tab.

Or maybe any man at Dick's could just ask a daughter, spouse, sister, mother, female customer or a random woman at a bus stop how paying Ben Roethlisberger as a corporate endorser is likely to influence the target audience for sports bras, tankinis, cheerleading shoes and field hockey sticks.

If the men who run Dick's don't make an announcement soon, any observer with integrity will be left to conclude that they are, well, Dick's. Or that "Every Season Starts At Dick's" includes hunting season (senior men's division) for plastered coeds in rest rooms.

Or, as this guy noted, maybe they can't think of a better candidate for the cover of a catalog of Dick's.


Anonymous said...

guess you're not on board with Smizik's let's move on column

Anonymous said...

Dick's Sporting Goods is a fine local company that does a lot of good in this community. Please do not rush to judgement about a very complicated issue. Thank you.

Infinonymous said...

Every criticism of Dick's here is conditional. Until the situation took a hard turn down Sordid Street in recent weeks, there was no basis for finding fault with Dick's. If the company makes a suitable announcement soon, no problem.

So no rush to judgment concerning Dick's here. Regarding Mr. Roethlisberger, however, enough evidence to support a judgment is available.

Infinonymous said...

Welcome to today's Infivisitors from Dick's Sporting Goods (and Sports Authority, and Global Sports, etc.).

To underscore the point concerning no prejudgment or hard feelings: If Dick's makes a suitable announcement within a reasonable period, Infinonymous would publish a Dick's coupon to salute the company's judgment and character.

If not, Infinonymous might publish something else.

Infinonymous would prefer to publish the coupon.

Anonymous said...

Wild guess - they don't take you up on that coupon offer

too bad, cause I need a new cooler & Dick's has a nice selection