Jetsons-Style "Modern Times" Are Enough To Drive Anyone To Drink In Pennsylvania -- And Good Luck Trying To Find Something To Drink

Booze can make people say absurd things -- particularly when the people are sober, and the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board is involved.

For example, the PLCB's decision to install ridiculous, automated wine-dispensing devices (which resemble the room-sized ENIAC of computer lore) in local supermarkets prompted this observation from someone described as a "wine enthusiast": "I'm all for it. We should be up with the modern world."

In fairness, that comment came from someone who lives in East Pittsburgh -- a town that is essentially a 1940s-era museum, home of the original and abandoned Westinghouse plant -- and therefore may believe "modern world" means integrated lunch counters, automatic transmissions and stores open on Sundays.

Similarly silly was this comment from the PLCB's Joe Conti: "We definitely have to 'accept' the machines at some point, and we're nearing that point. That will drive everything."

Why must we accept these pathetic machines? Why couldn't Pennsylvania use another new-fangled device -- early adopters call it the "fast forward" button -- and simply drag itself straight from the 1930s into, say, the 1970s, modernizing its liquor laws so citizens are not required to impersonate George Jetson if they wish to buy a bottle of wine?

The only thing you're driving, Mr. Conti, is people to drink -- liquor purchased out-of-state, of course.