Sunday, June 6, 2010

1 Man + 4 Women = Traditional Marriage?

Family values advocate (and former McKeesport disc jockey, right) Rush Limbaugh yesterday set aside his big bag of contraband boner pills long enough to demonstrate his commitment to traditional marriage by ostentatiously issuing his fourth declaration of vows.

Limbaugh, 59, married Kathryn Rogers, 33, after a six-year courtship that commenced while Limbaugh's third marriage was unwinding.

The reception, at Palm Beach's Breakers resort, was lavish: The wedding singer, Reginald Dwight, collected $1 million.

The path to family values and traditional virture, as established by Mr. Limbaugh (left, with one of the women he has not married):

1) 26-year-old man marries secretary from his workplace, separates before second anniversary (no children).

2) 32-year-old man marries college student from his workplace, separates five years later (no children).

3) 42-year-old man marries 35-year-old aerobics instructor (who chased man online while she was still married and he was divorcing), maintains separate residences for 10 years, then divorces (no children) while he addresses legal consequences of his drug addiction (which eventually include arrest, a plea bargain and random drug testing).

4) Before third divorce is final, 53-year-old man begins open fornication with 41-year-old television anchor; relationship lasts 18 months (no children).

5) 59-year-old man marries 33-year-old VIP liaison.
Among Rush Limbaugh's "family values" admonitions:

"Marriage is about raising children. That is the purpose of the institution."

"The answer [to drug use] is to go out and find the ones who are getting away with it, convict them and send them up the river, too." (mug shot, right)

"I don't buy into the disease part of drug abuse. The first time you reach for a substance you are making a choice. Every time you go back, you're making a personal choice. I feel very strongly about that."

"Let me tell you who we conservatives are: we love people."
Conservative leader Rush Limbaugh loves people so much, apparently, that he can't stop marrying them.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Holy smokes, with that history it is amazing that more democrats don't appreciate his sense of morality. OK, he is not on the level of Clinton (let's bag a few interns), Kerry (where's the money babes), Kennedy (need a ride baby?), and Obama (the gentleman's guide to Chicago bath houses) - but maybe he is doing the best he can.