Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Graduates Display Value Of Religious Education

The products of religious schools have exhibited exceptional form lately, across the curricular spectrum.

English: At a national press conference concerning the obvious police abuses solid-as-vapor economic dividends of Pittsburgh's G20 experience, InsolvenCity Mayor Luke Ravenstahl demonstrated the value of a North Catholic education by declaring that he would tell South Korean officials preparing for a successor summit: "I hope they do as good as we did."

Government: Another North Catholic graduate, Allegheny County Executive Dan Onorato, demonstrated the value of his civics classes in crafting a proposal to condition drilling permits on hiring of Pennsylvania residents. That proposal's flaw, as those who did not attend North Catholic have mentioned, is obvious conflict with the United States Constitution. (Pitt's law school also gets credit for Mr. Onorato's education, although it appears constitutional law was not part of the curriculum during Mr. Onorato's period of attendance.)

Biology: Christine O'Donnell's biology instructors must be beaming after hearing her defend the faith by declaring that evolution will remain a "myth" until she personally witnesses monkey moms spitting out human babies. Less reliant on church teaching, but nonetheless reflective of the value of science education grounded in religious dogma, was Ms. O'Donnell's warning that American scientists have created mice with fully functioning human brains.

Civics: Senator Jim DeMint of South Carolina apparently liked the lessons of his church-sponsored school so much he wishes to impose theocracy on the entire nation. Among Sen. DeMint's more recent dogmatic declarations has been his claim that single women are fit to serve as teachers solely if they are virgins. Tellingly, this means Sen. DeMint thinks that Christine O'Donnell is too slutty to be trusted with schoolchildren.

(Parents may wish to check whether it is still possible to obtain a partial refund for transferring students to public schools.)

Infinonytune: Witchy Woman, The Eagles


MH said...

Your cousin run the teachers’ union or something? I'll stick with the Catholic schools for so many reasons. Can you imagine how Luke would have turned out in an environment where 33% of the kids drop out?

(Given how the PLCB has gotten away with violating the interstate commerce clause for decades, I’m not sure why Onorato should be expected to worry about it during a campaign.)

Anonymous said...

Witchy Woman - inspired choice - love it!!

Infinonymous said...


Public schools have plenty of problems, but they are not based on superstition and dogma.

MH said...

Excepting a few athletes, the superstitious have never graduated somebody who can't read.

Infinonymous said...

You counting kickers as athletes?

MH said...

Except for soccer players.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad that did take the scholarship to Catholic High School and instead choose Allderdicee.

Anonymous said...

The misspelling of Allderdice was a typo.