Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Poorly Worded Life Of Joanna Doven

Mayoral mouthpiece Joanna Doven deserves a bit of sympathy with respect to her attempts to defend Luke Ravenstahl's approach to the South Side's severe problems, because when she asked her hard-partying boss for details of his South Side plan, he likely replied: "Tonight? Pretty much same as usual. Free drinks at Diesel, stop by Town Tavern because they keep Happy Hour open for me all night, over to S Bar for most of the night, probably wind up back at Diesel because I like to pass out watching that cool light show. Cops drive me home. Why, J? . . . you wanna come along tonight?"

Even with such a lack of substance available to her, however, Ms. Doven's liberties with language went too far when she described the mayor's drunken groping of toasted tarts as "targeted public safety outreach."

Because Mayor Ravenstahl runs interference for his frequent hosts the irresponsible bar owners who have fashioned the Carson Street corridor into a reeking, violent, lawless cesspool, several council members have suggested revision of the mayor's "deliberate sense of indifference" to the problems. Evoking Otter's courtroom performance in Animal House (right), Ms. Doven dutifully attempted to redirect the debate, labeled council's requests that the mayor do his job "personal attacks." (She also noted that the mayor had placed along Carson Street the same garbage cans -- decorated with his campaign slogan -- he had distributed in other neighborhoods.)

Ms. Doven ascribed Councilor Bruce Kraus' concerns to re-election considerations rather than to the steady stream of savage beatings, home invasions, shootings, drunken driving deaths (and maimings) and mob streetfights in his district.

Ms. Doven culiminated her performance with a complaint that Mr. Kraus -- who arranged an all-day conference conducted by the Responsible Hospitality Institute featuring national experts and local community leaders, and prepared a detailed, researched and comprehensive written plan to address the South Side's problems --"had not brought us anything by way of recommendations, solutions, a white paper . . ."

It shouldn't be this difficult to avoid spouting nonsense about the South Side. Doug Shields, for example, distills the issue to 25 words or fewer: 'Mr. Shields said Mr. Ravenstahl should stop "hanging out in the VIP lounges" of nightclubs and take responsibility for the South Side's problems.'

In fairness to Ms. Doven, she might not be as practiced as other city officials in handling liquor, so perhaps she was too hung over to speak coherently.

Infinonytune: Crawling From The Wreckage, Dave Edmunds (@ 2:30)


PK said...

I thought that the four best grafs were the following:

Mr. Kraus later suggested that Ms. Doven and Mr. Ravenstahl join him on East Carson at 2 a.m. Saturday to observe "the failure of their efforts."

Mr. Shields said Mr. Ravenstahl "needs to begin to answer" for the South Side's problems but instead will probably recruit somebody to run against Mr. Kraus in next year's election in an effort to silence the complaints.

"The personal attacks are counterproductive," Ms. Doven said, adding, "To call what's going on in the South Side a crisis is simply irresponsible."

She said "the real crisis" may be that Mr. Kraus needs an issue for his re-election campaign.

Kraus needs to ratchet this up one more notch, rather than getting "red-faced." Maybe he needs to have the South Side grannies storm the City-County Building's Fifth Floor.

Say what you want about Doug Shields, he nailed the Mayor's (and the Machine's) M.O.

Lastly, Ms. Doven. Wow. Her creds and style are insulting to any true PR professional. Sorry, ma'am, but the South Side of late does sound like it's in a crisis situation, more so than Oakland ever has.

And my guess is that by "white paper" she's thinking about a couple of sheets from the copier.

Infinonymous said...

Professionals don't date in the office.

Jim Lange said...

Careful, Infy. Some people might consider innuendo about dating as a Public Safety issue.

Anonymous said...

Talk about obviously trolling for hits from city computers...this might crash the city server

James said...

As much as I'd like to see something done about the drunken eedjit problem on the South Side, can we get a task force on the arson/murder problems over in Sheraden?

Anonymous said...

Well played Mr. Lange.

Miss your show

Fifth Floor Confidential said...

thought you'd appreciate an on the scene report

on one side of the fifth floor, staring like 'i can't believe i'm reading this' and laughing

on the other side, they're outraged about you always picking on poor joanna - i wonder whether that was before or after they read the latest comments

ps - sent from non city computer (lunch hour), so don't bother trying to trace it

Infinonymous said...

Mr. Lange:

You took this farther than it was intended to go, but after reflection . . . you did the right thing. With flair. Maybe your pointer will get the P-G or Trib to take notice.

Loved the show, by the way. Except for the serial killer part.

Was Chuck Barris really CIA?

Anonymous said...

What arson problems in Sheraden? Haven't heard of an arson over there since the rash of them months and months and months ago.

Here is your Sheraden murder problem: Section 8

Infinonymous said...

Want the current administration to pay attention to Sheraden? Get the List-Makers or Walnut Capital to invest in some property there.