The Poorly Worded Life Of Joanna Doven

Mayoral mouthpiece Joanna Doven deserves a bit of sympathy with respect to her attempts to defend Luke Ravenstahl's approach to the South Side's severe problems, because when she asked her hard-partying boss for details of his South Side plan, he likely replied: "Tonight? Pretty much same as usual. Free drinks at Diesel, stop by Town Tavern because they keep Happy Hour open for me all night, over to S Bar for most of the night, probably wind up back at Diesel because I like to pass out watching that cool light show. Cops drive me home. Why, J? . . . you wanna come along tonight?"

Even with such a lack of substance available to her, however, Ms. Doven's liberties with language went too far when she described the mayor's drunken groping of toasted tarts as "targeted public safety outreach."

Because Mayor Ravenstahl runs interference for his frequent hosts the irresponsible bar owners who have fashioned the Carson Street corridor into a reeking, violent, lawless cesspool, several council members have suggested revision of the mayor's "deliberate sense of indifference" to the problems. Evoking Otter's courtroom performance in Animal House (right), Ms. Doven dutifully attempted to redirect the debate, labeled council's requests that the mayor do his job "personal attacks." (She also noted that the mayor had placed along Carson Street the same garbage cans -- decorated with his campaign slogan -- he had distributed in other neighborhoods.)

Ms. Doven ascribed Councilor Bruce Kraus' concerns to re-election considerations rather than to the steady stream of savage beatings, home invasions, shootings, drunken driving deaths (and maimings) and mob streetfights in his district.

Ms. Doven culiminated her performance with a complaint that Mr. Kraus -- who arranged an all-day conference conducted by the Responsible Hospitality Institute featuring national experts and local community leaders, and prepared a detailed, researched and comprehensive written plan to address the South Side's problems --"had not brought us anything by way of recommendations, solutions, a white paper . . ."

It shouldn't be this difficult to avoid spouting nonsense about the South Side. Doug Shields, for example, distills the issue to 25 words or fewer: 'Mr. Shields said Mr. Ravenstahl should stop "hanging out in the VIP lounges" of nightclubs and take responsibility for the South Side's problems.'

In fairness to Ms. Doven, she might not be as practiced as other city officials in handling liquor, so perhaps she was too hung over to speak coherently.

Infinonytune: Crawling From The Wreckage, Dave Edmunds (@ 2:30)