Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Kid Candidate's Campaign Shifts Gears: Scenes From A Fancy French Restaurant

The Post-Gazette notes that Adam Ravenstahl has made some adjustments to his campaign's Intertubes machine, but does not mention the recent delivery -- to those desiring to continue to do business with the City of Pittsburgh who might wish to support the even younger Ravenstahl's campaign -- of invitations for a fundraising reception at one of the many hospitality venues located in the 20th District Mt. Washington's elegant LeMont.

It is unlikely reporters will be permitted on the premises as Yarone checks names off the city's vendor list the endorsed Democratic candidate expounds on his philosophy of governance over hors d'oeuvres and Iron City Grey Goose, so the riff-raff must settle for an educated guess concerning the evening's highlights:

3:10 p.m.: LeMont owner Ed Dunlap calls the mayor's office to assure that everything is in place for a successful event, closing with "and you can tell the mayor I selected the waitresses personally."

4:58 p.m.: The Ravenstahls arrive at LeMont, whose parking valet immediately points to a discreet sign and tells them, "sorry, guys, we only take applications between 2 and 4 . . . here, you can fill these out, bring them back tomorrow -- after 2."

5:04 p.m.: "Hello, Mr. Mayor," says general manager Alex Colaizzi, walking briskly past as the Ravenstahls climb the stairs to the dining room. Colaizai discreetly stops Adam and advises him, in a low voice: "Shift starts at 5, not 5 after. And you wear our jacket, not that crappy suit, to bus tables here. I won't tell you again."

5:15 p.m.: A man standing at the sign-in table tells John Verbanac's secretary: "It's B-u-r-g-e-s-s, but even if my name is not on any of those lists, it's OK. I'm a friend of the mayor."

5:32 p.m.: "Yes, I know I told you no press," Yarone Zober explains to the volunteers at the sign-in desk, "but these two are from the Post-Gazette editorial board. That's different. They're OK."

6:08 p.m.: Adam Ravenstahl, seeing Dave Malone enter the reception, stops mid-word in the high school football story he is telling a red-headed waitress and approaches Malone. As Adam extends his hand with a smile, Malone throws his coat over Adam's arm and says "great, kid, thanks . . . now how about scaring me up a Three Olives and grapefruit . . . just a little ice, OK?" Malone nods to Kevin Kinross: "Love this place. Best service in town."

6:09 p.m.: Zober, seeing Malone slip a fiver to Adam, abandons Ed Grattan and rushes toward them, waving his arms: "No cash, no cash! Personal checks only! C'mon, guys."

6:10 p.m.: Luke Ravenstahl hears the commotion and emerges from a linen closet, a half-step ahead of a different red-headed waitress.

6:11 p.m.: The leader of the UPMC contingent immediately heads off Luke and is overheard: "Look, Luke, it's just that some people in your office seem to be forgetting something . . . for chrissakes, we hired the kid, didn't we?"

6:23 p.m.: Kevin Kinross addresses the crowd: "Dan couldn't be here tonight, but he asked me to tell all of you that he knows Alan Ravenstahl will give the people of the North Side every bit the level of public service that the entire city has come to expect from Luke, and as governor, Dan will be counting on Alan to help us move forward . . . except on assessments, of course. They will never change as long as Dan is there to protect the taxpayers."

6:26 p.m.: Adam Ravenstahl, standing next to Greg Zappala, tells Mark Nordenberg: "So, like, chancellor is, like, it's like president or something? So you're, like, in charge? That is so cool, 'cause I been, like, thinking about going to legal school, you know, in case I want to be, like, district attorney or something."

6:41 p.m.: "It's, like, so cool," one redhead tells the other. "They're, like, brothers, and we're, like, sisters. How old do you think they are?"

6:43 p.m.: Zober asks the Post-Gazetteers: "InsolvenCity? What the hell does that even mean?"

6:54 p.m.: Adam is back with his redhead: "So, it's like, if you graduate in June, and I'll be in Harrisburg as, like, a senator or something, so maybe you could come up and, like, visit this summer . . . "

6;55 p.m.: Zober tries to calm down the UPMCers: "Look, I wasn't there and so I don't know what he said. But of course, if he's elected, no one expects you to keep paying him. If he misunderstands, I'll take care of it."

6:59 p.m.: Heard from inside the linen closet: "Does it really matter how old I am? Ever been to Seven Springs?"

14 comments:

Agent Ska said...

You're crazy, infinonymous. I don't know who you are but this post just cemented two things in my brain: you're crazy and you are awesome.

Sincerely,

Agent Ska

Anonymous said...

should we laugh or should we cry?

Anonymous said...

You are my new go-to Pittsburgh politics blogger. (I know, the competition is light these days, but still ...)

Luke's Mom said...

I don't see anything funny here. Not one bit. Adam is every bit as smart as Luke and they are both the best.

Anonymous said...

very funny...you should add some conversation between Mike Huss & Joanna Doven though.

Anonymous said...

You obviously are close to these people.....that'll probably change if they figure you out. Until then, keep up the good work.

Gloria said...

I'd be laughing out loud, except for the fact that I live in the state rep district in which the kid candidate is running.

It's curious how prominently red heads figure in this post of yours...

Maria said...

One word:

brilliant

Infinonymous said...

The hair color was a plot device (conveying similarity in a few words, yet less jarring than a pair of six-foot albinos) -- nothing more.

An acquaintance of Dave Malone has protested that Infinonymous has been unfair to him. Hard to see how. Mr. Malone's fondness for the mayor is established by campaign finance reports, so his attendance at an event for the even younger brother would be natural. Other than that, all he did was order a drink and compliment LeMont's legendary customer service. (Regarding the petition challenge for Turzai, that's a public document, and anyone putting his name on petition challenge should expect it to be noticed.)

A similar point covers UPMC, in a less benign manner: If you don't to see jokes about hiring the mayor's inexperienced kid brother at a time when you and the mayor are exchanging big-dollar favors like Jesse James swaps spit with the nearest tattooed skank, don't hire the kid brother.

Anonymous said...

Think you're funny?
Luke was elected by the people
Adam will be elected by the people

Deal with it and shut the hell up

Bram Reichbaum said...

Anonymous 12:46 - LINK

Anonymous said...

freakin awesome

did u know when you google adam ravenstahl its a tossup if the first hit is official campaign site or yr blog?

like i said, awesome

Infinonymous said...

Why did use "u" the first time and "you" next?

This is a serious question. I don't get it. (Agent Ska, can you help?)

Anyway, thanks for the compliment.

Agent Ska said...

The person who was going between 'u' and 'you' may be used to twitter.

I am not a connoisseur of poor spelling.

:-)