A Taste Of What Tea Partiers Want To Serve

A taste of what America would look like if social conservatives' Tea Party-flavored nanny state is realized:

• Americans would be freer to prevent homosexuals from cramming their godless lifestyles down America's throat


• More of the new wave of Republican candidates would be elected


• Businesses will be freed of the meddling shackles of government regulation
  

Makes nuggets fashioned from mechanically separated chicken sludge look downright delicious.

Insiders Say No City Councilor Refused To Lend Colleagues A Hand On Pension Data Subpoena

A mayor-side source continues to deny it, but uniform council-side reports indicate that no member of Pittsburgh City Council declined to sign the subpoena directing InsolvenCity administrators to deliver pension data to state officials.

Councilors Smith, Burgess and Dowd reportedly were not in the City-County Building when a staffer circulated the subpoena documentation for signatures; six signatures were adjudged adequate, so the subpoena was issued without waiting for absent councilors.

Rev. Burgess has all but confirmed that he was not asked to provide a signature -- by circulating a blistering e-mail among his colleagues, objecting to his lack of an opportunity to sign consider signing the subpoena authorization.

City-Council Building custodians continue to scrape eyebrows from fifth-floor ceilings consequent to Daniel Lavelle's decision to authorize the subpoena; the extent of Lavelle's departure from lock-step mayoral companionship will be further illuminated Wednesday, when council members begin to vote with respect to the Suddenly-Not-So-Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale.

InsolvenCity Still Crowing About G20, But Will Soon Be Begging ACLU For Mercy, Payment Plan

A bizarre story about bumbling FBI agents vandalizing innocent American citizens' vehicles to conduct clandestine surveillance is an apt introduction to the next stage of the long process of addressing the government abuses associated with Pittsburgh's mishandling of its G20 event.

The ACLU filed its lawsuit during September, which means the plaintiffs' lawyers should begin to receive documents and other evidence from the defendants later this month. (It's a federal court-supervised process, which means the city law department and its insurer-supplied colleagues will have limited opportunity to rely on their customary rope-a-dope tactics.)

The main event -- revelation of systematic and unlawful abuse of citizens, assignment of blame and awarding of damages -- is likely to occur in 2011 or 2012, but an instructive appetizer course should be served before the end of this year, when details concerning widespread and improper government spying begin to emerge.

(Expect the defendants to ask the court to restrict the plaintiffs' entitlement to publicize the evidence; expect a federal judge to stop laughing long enough to sign an order denying the defendants' request.)

Revelation of evidence might incline more victims -- not only those with bruises, but also those who were not aware they were being abused by police misconduct -- to file complaints. At some point, that specially purchased insurance limit might begin to look less comfortable (not for plaintiffs, or course -- they would be entitled to tap general InsolvenCity accounts to collect court judgments -- but for taxpayers).

Is City Council paying attention to this enormous contingent liablity? Or to the conduct that created it? This 30-second video alone (left) may be worth a million dollars, and the video on the right distills how silly the city's arguments will appear to a jury (stay with it to the end):

It's Official: Jane Orie Has Become A True-Blue Democrat For Halloween This Year

Remember that person, back in school, who misperceived an inadvertent return of a glance as a signal of interest, then couldn't be shaken from the dream?

For northern tier Democrats with mailboxes, Sen. Jane Orie has become that person, moving from awkward "accidental" encounters to strained proximity to full-throttle, pathetic stalking.

Another glossy campaign advertisement touting a true-blue Sen. Orie has arrived at homes of Democratic registrants, this one saluting the senator for "fighting to clean-up the Gambling industry," which is a strange way to describe getting indicted (even before considering the grammar and capitalization elements of standard English).

As has become customary, a Democratic representative who does not support Sen. Orie(Bill Kortz this time) is quoted. The backgrounds are blue. The word "Republican" appears solely in six-point type and solely as required by law "Paid for by the Senate Republican Campaign Committee."

The tagline is "Jane Orie: Fighting For Us." Which doesn't ring true, because for these advertisements' audience, Jane Orie (and what she fights for as a Republican leader in the state senate) is Them, not Us.

Suddenly Assertive Council Shuffles The Deck On The Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale

Six councilors order enough starch for their shirts to generate a subpoena, then show enough game to deliver the subpoena as the mayor travels to China?

Daniel Lavelle steps up for a major-league at-bat, while Patrick Dowd can't find a pen?

The lawyers who ostensibly provide legal advice to council are said to be constructing the arguments against council's authority to enforce ths subpoena?

The scary monster from Harrisburg revealed as a Tough Love teddy bear?

The Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale is beginning to follow the trajectory of the Fifth-Forbes Project (which may take a moment to recall, because it never got past a half-baked drawing board).

Infinonytune: New Kid In Town, The Eagles
Infinonytune: The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald, Gordon Lightfoot

Yinzer Admission Test: Parking Section

1. Council's issuance of an extraordinary subpoena (directing InsolvenCity's executive branch to discharge its high-octane, fingerprint-free delivery boy and provide raw pension data directly to state officials) means

(a) a veto-proof majority of councilors has expanded its legal and financial advice horizons
(b) the entities that bet millions on the List-Makers' ability to deliver the mayor -- and the deal, and the fees -- are painstakingly reevaluating their positions
(c) at least a dozen lawyers, in at least three cities, are currently devising a plan to avoid compliance with that subpoena (estimated aggregate rate: $108/minute)
(d) today was the final day the city law department could offer to provide legal advice concerning the Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale to council members without risking a call to bar disciplinary authorities
(e) city taxpayers likely will soon learn whether the Ravenstahl administration placed them (and/or pension beneficiaries) on the hook for privateer fees payable even without a completed transaction
(f) unsmiling men in Chicago and New York are considering which horrible accidents could befall the touts who claimed to be able to deliver the deal
(g) all of the above

Extra credit for discussion of your answer.

An Educator's Lesson On Honoring Commitments

If reportedly-soon-to-be-former Pittsburgh schools superintendent Mark Roosevelt is inclined to set a personal example for students by disregarding a five-year commitment, it seems reasonable to be ambivalent about whether the door smacks him on his way out.

It might be worthwhile to send him a bill for replacement search costs (the amount of his bonuses seems a handy figure), followed by a breach-of-contract complaint if that bill is not paid.

If Natalia Says It, It's Got To Be Good! (Perhaps This Extruded Pink Stuff Excepted)

An indirect tip from Natalia Rudiak has placed a new blog at "Your Next Stop?" (center column): Fooducate.

Unless you already can identify -- and, therefore, strenuously avoid -- the substance whose extrusion is depicted at left, plan to devote an hour or two to your first visit to Fooducate.

Infinonyhint: It's not strawberry soft-serve.

The Boy Mayor Who Cried Wolf Is Exposed

This is what Mayor Ravenstahl has been shrieking about as the end of the world?

This is the ethical landscape at the intersection of Pittsburgh and the parking pirates -- an "advisor" charging the rubes on Grant Street to vouch for that advisor's business partner -- even before the public discovers where the List-Makers fit in? (The prospective privateer calls the List-Makers' cut "community relations and involvement.")

Pittsburgh City Council members have found one more reason to ditch the Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale: Merely by avoiding a sale, they would save the city $8-$10 million in privateering fees.

Councilors also have encountered one more point regarding which they require independent legal advice: the conflicts of interest associated with the relationships among the privateers, the city's advisors, the mayor's office, the city law department, and the mayor's playmates.

P-G Editorialists: With Problem Solved By Firing Russell, We Expect Big Things From Our Pirates!

Demonstrating its knack for uninformed, wrong-headed analysis, the Post-Gazette's editorial page outdid itself today with a remarkably off-base rant that might have been stolen from a drunken fan whose closest proximity to a baseball field involved watching Little League games as a parent.

If John Russell emulates Jim Tracy (who, after being fired by the worst club in baseball history, promptly took the Rockies to the playoffs) or Jim Leyland (who won the World Series one year after leaving InsolvenCity), don't expect the P-G editorializers to notice: They'll be too busy nuzzling the Nuttings.

Graduates Display Value Of Religious Education

The products of religious schools have exhibited exceptional form lately, across the curricular spectrum.

English: At a national press conference concerning the obvious police abuses solid-as-vapor economic dividends of Pittsburgh's G20 experience, InsolvenCity Mayor Luke Ravenstahl demonstrated the value of a North Catholic education by declaring that he would tell South Korean officials preparing for a successor summit: "I hope they do as good as we did."

Government: Another North Catholic graduate, Allegheny County Executive Dan Onorato, demonstrated the value of his civics classes in crafting a proposal to condition drilling permits on hiring of Pennsylvania residents. That proposal's flaw, as those who did not attend North Catholic have mentioned, is obvious conflict with the United States Constitution. (Pitt's law school also gets credit for Mr. Onorato's education, although it appears constitutional law was not part of the curriculum during Mr. Onorato's period of attendance.)

Biology: Christine O'Donnell's biology instructors must be beaming after hearing her defend the faith by declaring that evolution will remain a "myth" until she personally witnesses monkey moms spitting out human babies. Less reliant on church teaching, but nonetheless reflective of the value of science education grounded in religious dogma, was Ms. O'Donnell's warning that American scientists have created mice with fully functioning human brains.

Civics: Senator Jim DeMint of South Carolina apparently liked the lessons of his church-sponsored school so much he wishes to impose theocracy on the entire nation. Among Sen. DeMint's more recent dogmatic declarations has been his claim that single women are fit to serve as teachers solely if they are virgins. Tellingly, this means Sen. DeMint thinks that Christine O'Donnell is too slutty to be trusted with schoolchildren.

(Parents may wish to check whether it is still possible to obtain a partial refund for transferring students to public schools.)

Infinonytune: Witchy Woman, The Eagles

Post-Gazette's New Legal Blog Omits Report Of Local Newspaper's Noteworthy New Counselor

The Post-Gazette today introduced a new feature, Ipso Facto, the "news crossroads of Western Pennsylvania's legal community."

Ipso Fact omitted mention of one of the most fascinating recent developments at Pittsburgh's bar, however, despite the story's location right under the Post-Gazetteers' noses.

When Pittsburgh mayors from Sophie Masloff to Luke Ravenstahl have required an authority board member, a solicitor, an advisor or a spokesman, they have frequently engaged Frederick Frank (left), a prominent and esteemed lawyer.

When Mayor Ravenstahl sought to pave a path on which he could steer InsolvenCity toward his Great Pittsburgh Parking Garage Sale, for example, Mr. Frank provided a handy and timely legal opinion that stiff-armed competing proposals.

When former mayor Sophie Masloff visited City Council recently to promote the mayor's parking plan, one council member recounted her insightful private pitch: "I'm going to scratch yer eyes aht if you don't vote for Fred Frank's plan."

Mr. Frank's positions along Pittsburgh's public-private interface establish him as a firmly embedded insider -- and therefore a curious candidate to represent the leading newspaper that covers that interface.

Newsroom sources nevertheless report that Mr. Frank has added the Post-Gazette to his roster of clients, perhaps as successor to first-rate media lawyer Tom McGough (right) and Reed Smith, the P-G's longtime law firm. (Mr. Frank's website identifies his areas of practice as family law, campaign finance, government relations and appellate practice; there is no apparent record of experience representing a newspaper.)

A newspaper whose news columns report on the city administration and whose editorial pages advocate for a controversial (and apparently senseless) parking deal hires a lawyer who represents or directs city agencies, advises elected officials and is hip-deep in the current parking controvery? This appears to constitute news (and quite a professional plum for Mr. Frank), even if no newspaper is prepared to report it.

Infinonytune: Lawyers, Guns And Money, Warren Zevon

Another Season For Losers On The North Side (Plus, The Pirates -- And Nuttings -- Still Stink)

The Pittsburgh Pirates yesterday concluded, with another loss, a season in which they accomplished the Triple Frown -- worst record (57-103), most games behind in their division (32), worst run differential (-277) -- not only in the National League, but indeed for the entirety of major league baseball.

After providing hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars to greedy and inept Pirates owners, the public has a team that loses more frequently, has a lower payroll, and draws fewer fans than was the case in Three Rivers Stadium -- and yet is profitable, with no incentive to improve its performance on the field.

The losers who promoted the stadium giveaway promoted economic development as a reason to subsidize the baseball club. At least five storefronts from failed restaurants (two of the restaurants were publicly subsidized, too) are shuttered within one block of PNC Park, however, including the location closest to the ballyard's entrance (that one was closed throughout this entire season). One of the non-subsidized restaurant victims of redevelopment had operated successfully for decades before the URA, the Sports and Exhibition Authority and Mayor Tom Murphy offered to help.

Like the city the represent, the once-proud Pirates have become a bankrupt -- morally and competitively, in the Pirates' case; financially, in the case of InsolvenCity -- and a laughingstock. The principal difference is that the National League publishes standings, attenuating fans' delusions of adequacy with respect to the Pirates.

Sunday Reading: American Way Edition

Farmington: In search of the American way.

The doctor's office: In search of the American way.

The admissions office: In search of the American way.

Wallingford: In search of the American way.

Infinonytune: America, David Bowie (Concert for New York)

Orie Campaign: The Indicted Candidate's Blues

It's easy to feel sorry for Jane Orie, political target of the Zappala family, especially if one ignores Sen. Orie's conduct.

Indictments being somewhat injurious to political campaigns, it is somewhat understandable that the Orie campaign would grab a spatula and put some new makeup on its candidate. But, believe it or not, this Orie makeover has traveled a concealer too far. (For the guys: Concealer is the layer that addresses wrinkles, blemishes acne scars and -- depending on how much is used -- craters up to a quarter-inch in depth).

One recent mailer, designed for the Democratic registration mailing list, omits mention of Sen. Orie's service as Republican Whip membership in the Republican Party, but prominently features a relatively positive quote from Democratic State Sen. Jay Costa. ("Relatively positive" in this carefully confected context, at least; 'she's a hard worker' could also apply to someone who put in for overtime shifts at a concentration camp.) Costa has endorsed Sen. Orie's opponent, Democrat Dan DeMarco.

Another mailer designed for the non-Republican audience, which reached mailboxes yesterday, involves a more complete makeover: One side depicts Sen. Orie (right, in a more natural wardrobe) in a bright blue suit, walking with senior citizens dressed in blue and red. The other has two shots of Sen. Orie in blue clothing, with a nondescript "fighting for us" message against a blue background, top and bottom. (The only red molecules on the entire side: the candidate's lipstick.)

Looking at these mailers, one might conclude that a new candidate -- not the dogmatic conservative with a 15-year red-meat record in Harrisburg -- is running as the Republican in the 40th District. But most readers familiar with Jane Orie are unlikely to be fooled -- her Republican handlers apparently couldn't get their candidate to change the hair.

Infinonytune: (Everyday) I Have The Blues, Eric Clapton
Infinonytune: How Blue Can You Get?, B.B. King