(Former) Miss California Seems Exquisitely Prepared For Next Step In Her Walk With God

Former Miss California (and Miss USA runner-up) Carrie Prejean, whose foremost discernible talent is making Perez Hilton look like the reasonable half of a catfight, has responded to her decrowning by issuing a statement:

I am excited and looking forward to where God leads me in the future. I know He has big plans for me. I am proud to be the strong woman God has molded me to be. I will always stand for the truth, respectfully, and never back down.

Apparently, God's molding of Carrie Prejean has to this point involved (1) fake boobs, (2) a bottle-blonde makeover, (3) whatever classes one attends to learn such terms as "opposite marriage," and (4) strutting around in a skimpy swimsuit on high heels (left) when she isn't being (5) photographed without half of her swimsuit (right) in violation of her pageant covenants, or (6) lecturing on morality.

Against that background, I believe I can predict for Miss Jesusland where God is going to lead her next, and it involves big plans. It also involves six beers, five shots, four fraternity brothers, three orifices, two intense hours and one trip to the student health office . . . although, because she attends San Diego Christian College, she'll probably need to take a bus to San Diego State and pretend to have forgotten her ID to get her morning-after pill.

If Carrie Prejean (left, counseling known doper Michael Phelps with carefully selected Scripture) thought the devil was trying to tempt her with Perez Hilton at the pageant, I expect her to experience a genuine revelation when Satan puts her on that fraternity basement couch.

After which she will, no doubt, replace Bristol Palin, at least in Elisabeth Hasselbeck's eyes, as the "perfect candidate" to be the national spokeswoman for abstinence-only education.