Republican Presidential Candidates March In Dogmatic Lockstep On Guns, God And Gays

A handful of Republican presidential candidates gathered in South Carolina yesterday to confirm that their lockstop devotion to right-wing dogma makes a Republican candidate the right choice for every American who

• is convinced that America's three biggest problems are public employees, science, and gays;


• is comfortable with torture but not with expanded access to healthcare;


• considers evolution a Satanic plot;


• fixates on deficits (but not on who or what generated them);


• is among the minority of Americans who believe that most of their countrymen are cold-blooded killers for tolerating morning after pills;


• figures George W. Bush was a decent enough leader but might have been a bit too intellectual; and


• believes there is nothing wrong with America that more guns, tax cuts (particularly for the wealthy), and superstition can't fix

but for no others.

You can't blend religious nanny-state scolds (social conservatives) with educated, small-government pragmatists (fiscal conservatives), season that mixture with plenty of warmongering (militaristic conservatives), and expect a coherent result.

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