Sunday, November 1, 2009

Infindorsement: Mayor Of The City Of Pittsburgh (The Argument For A Vote For The Boy Mayor)

No phony suspense here. Luke Ravenstahl will be re-elected. The City of Pittsburgh will continue to decline, amusing itself along the way with boastful delusions of adequacy.

Citizens should nonetheless vote. But for whom?

Kevin Acklin is a man without a party (at least, that's his story and he's sticking to it . . . so far). His campaign has been useful, if only for directing attention to the tip of the iceberg that is John Verbanac. He has no chance to win -- not because he carried several handicaps into a campaign relying on city voters (a strong education, professional accomplishments, correct pronunciation), but instead because he failed to avert a split-the-anti-incumbent-vote situation. Anyone who couldn't recognize and/or solve that problem is no choice for mayor of a decaying city.

Franco "Dok" Harris is a man without an adult resume. He seems altruistic, energetic and thoughtful, but his record is that of a strong candidate for class president. He, too, is to be faulted for failing to arrange a two-person race (even if that required a coin toss with Acklin). If Dok ever perceived a genuine prospect that he could win this race, the world is still one huge Dungeons & Dragons game to him. Dok's time may come . . . but not yet.

Luke Ravensthal is a boy who embodies another decade of avoidable decline (which makes him the "obvious" choice in the mind of Post-Gazette editorial writers). An apt fit for today's City of Pittsburgh, much as today's Iron City beer (brewed in Wisconsin for yinzers who failed geography) and today's Pirates (league-leading bobbleheads) are.

If these three were welded together, we'd still be short of one legitimate candidate to tackle the job of reviving the City of Pittsburgh. What is the rational voter to do? In this least-of-lesser-evils context, one candidate is plainly superior. That candidate: the Boy Mayor.

It would be disingenuous not to express some regret with respect to this endorsement. The Boy Mayor is not an ideal candidate; no one first elected in his 20s could be. It is difficult to identify strong points in his record as mayor. Plus, every reasonable person would agree he is brain-dead.

Which is not surprising, because he has been buried in Allegheny Cemetery for more than a century.

This Infindorsement belongs to Dr. Jonas R. McClintock, left, Pittsburgh's original "Boy Mayor." (Not to be confused with the city's Original Gangsta Boy Mayor, right). Elected at 28 after battling the cholera epidemic of the early 1830s, as a physician. Described as presiding over the first "cut" that turned Grant's Hill (a mound, at the east end of Pittsburgh's downtown, whose grade had prevented progress in developing the city) into Grant Street (a street whose current inhabitants prevent progress in developing the city).

Mayor McClintock's advantages over the incumbent seem obvious. Better education. Record of public service. No known relationship with John Verbanac, Yarone Zober, or Tiger Woods. Mayor McClintock's military record consisted of assembling a Civil War battalion rather than militarizing Oakland for an assault against hackey-sacking Pitt students. And Dr. McClintock seems incapable of hurting Pittsburgh in the next four years, being dead since 1879.

That final reason is enough to make a write-in vote for Dr. Jonas R. McClintock for mayor the most appropriate act by any City of Pittsburgh voter on Tuesday.


JenEngland said...

It is a mis statement perpetrated by Acklin that Dok has no "real world" experience. He worked for 3 years developing financial products in DC, including a patented product that would help families save money for college instead of earning points for travel or whatever using their credit cards.

Also he helped start a medical start up company and has been working for Super Donut for 3 years or so (I'm trying to pull that # from my memory, I may be off). He actually developed a product or process to help make a high fiber donut that doesn't sink when its cooked. His "adult resume" is actually full of many accomplishment that anyone would be proud to achieve in a lifetime.

Infinonymous said...

Dok Harris has promise, and has done nothing to warrant a swipe, so I will refrain from a point-by-point analysis of his career.

Dok is not, measured by my standards or by the needs of a troubled city, ready to be mayor of Pittsburgh. (Kevin Acklin also is not ready to be mayor of Pittsburgh, and each is at least a lap ahead of Luke Ravenstahl.)

More to the point: Do you genuinely wish to compare Dok's resume to that of Dr. Jonas R. McClintock?

Anonymous said...

Only someone who works for Mr. Harris, has no sense of perspective in the real world, and/or is certifiably insane could look at Dok's resume and declare that it is "full of many accomplishment that anyone would be proud to achieve in a lifetime."

We know you work for Mr. Harris, Ms. England, but even loyalty must stop somewhere short of absurdity.

In a lifetime? My God.

Supporting your candidate is one thing. Imagining your own reality is quite another.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant post! McClintock for Mayor! Who is this Jen England and why does she always show up as a Harris apologist? Is she getting paid? Infy is dead on: "Alejandro Sparras the donut salesman" is just not a professional adult resume, folks. And Harris cares so much for this City that he was registered in Sewickley until a few months ago, and never voted in a City election?

Infinonymous said...

The point about a write-in for a corpse being a better choice than any of the listed candidates is more serious than some might think, but even more serious is the point concerning the failure of Acklin and Harris to arrange a single opponent for the incumbent.

Major mistake, one that reflects poorly on both challengers.

Bram Reichbaum said...

Alright, so can we start kibitzing about who's going to take 2nd place?

My guess is Acklin, mostly based on the fact that the Harris electorate looks to be skewing youthful, and youthfulness usually under-performs. Acklin also has more cash money, which might translate into a better gameday operation.

What's clear is that both challengers have taken knocks for supposedly using this run to set up something else down the line -- if that's true in either case, I would not want to be the one that finishes this race with the Coghill Cup.

Infinonymous said...

The failure to address the numerosity issue seems to reveal a fatal lack of practicality and/or effectiveness with respect to Acklin and Harris. Does it matter which not-ready-for-prime-time candidate finishes second, which finishes third?

In the short term, the thinking person's candidate is McClintock. In the medium term, the practical focus should be the council presidency. For the long term, the object should be development of a candidate better than anyone currently in the mix.

Dr. Jonas R. McClintock. On Tuesday, he is the man for the job.

InsideAgitator said...

Anon 7:10.

Your comment alluding to Ms. England's "certifiable insanity" was deeply offensive to those of us who live with mental illness, everyday. I am sure you are aware that many desired voter-blocks, such as Veterns, or the NOW, have legions of members with mental illness, and we really don't care to be pushed to the margin in civic debate or to be cited in a weak attempt to cover misogyny.
Shame on you.

Matt H said...

Acklin is the 2nd place guy here, not Harris.

Mark Rauterkus said...

"Coghill Cup" -- good giggle in a line of some great humor w the posting for the "I" endorsement.

Agree, the real question isn't 2nd or 3rd. But, I wonder if your boy corpse will beat Les Ludwig in the write-in totals?

Lady Elaine said...

I don't know. Acklin's team is the former Natalia Rudiak team. BUT on the other hand, he IS a republican . . .