InsolvenCity Recovery: Dramatic Reenactment

It is difficult to forecast precisely how or when InsolvenCity is to be extracted from electoral ineptitude, administrative mismanagement and fiscal ruin, but when it occurs, it should look something like this:

Infinonytune: We Gotta Get Out Of This Place, The Animals

Police Exercise Uncharacteristic Restraint As Horde Of Amnesty Activists Invades InsolvenCity

It appears Amnesty International dodged a bullet -- rubber, of course, with a tear gas chaser -- downtown this afternoon, when a rally commemorating five decades of advocacy for peace and rights concluded without trouble.

Why no trouble? Mayor Ravenstahl has been so despondent lately he must have forgotten to order the sonic cannons, pepper bags and riot gear he customarily prepares for gatherings of peaceful civilians in InsolvenCity.

At right: Two dozen armed-and-armored imported headbusters from Chicago, deputized by Mayor Ravenstahl, establish order in Oakland by expertly subduing a single college kid long enough to take a trophy photo in front of Pitt's school of law.

OK, We Now Return To The Pictureshow As Our Weekend's Main Feature Continues . . .

The stirrin' about town commenced Friday, when number four -- until that moment knowed to be a loudly self-proclaimed upright citizen -- was a-seen in the company of them three outlaws whose incorrigibility had been assumed from day one.

The real street-clearin' started when word spread that a fifth gun might be ready to swing the balance of power. So far, though, after some nervous head checks and a few tense conversations, the count stands at four black hats, no more.

But that out-of-towner, visiting from the East -- with the fancy suits and pocketwatch, with his East Coast lawyers and sketchy landed interests, tryin' to angle how to fix his claim to a big local stake on legal papers down at the courthouse -- is makin' it known he's still recruiting. That fella's making his own moves now (done learned the hard way that the local muscle he hired wasn't up to the task at hand) . . . and he'll keep angling right up 'til the stagecoach takes him back East. Reckon that'll be sometime next week.

Dr. Dowd, of course, is number four. Always has been, for anyone attentive from the opening credits. Same with Mrs. Harris, five. So far, though, looks like Mrs. Harris still plans to walk the townfolk side of the street come Monday. But not, of course, before a few final turns of the tumbleweed.

How will the townsfolk finally count five at the showdown? Will Mrs. Harris still be wearing that star when it's guns, not words, what's being counted? Even after Mrs. Harris sets foot on the street, of course, we'll still wait to watch a couple of other characters leave the sheriff's door -- or not. Will there be a surprise defector walking instead through the hotel door, with the Easterner smiling through an upstairs window?

Probably not. Everyone knows Wyatt and Doc tend to be the ones standing after the smoke clears. But the suspense nonetheless makes it worth watching the story take us there, does it not?

By the by, for them's what's still a-puzzlin' over Camillus Fly and Claiborne and huckleberrys and whatnot, a codebook is here. OK?

Infinonytune: Time Warp, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

The Same Old Drip . . . Drip . . . Drip At InsolvenCity's Water And Sewer Authority

Is this the Water and Sewer Authority's way of disclosing that Iron City Brewing never made that September payment?

Might it have been better for ratepayers had the Ravenstahl administration changed bill collectors rather than solicitors at the authority?

Infinonytune: Dirty Water, The Standells

OK, Showdown Set For Monday (Or Not, Unless A Necessary Vote Can Be Corralled)

Looks like the Clantons and McCraurys have aligned, but still need Claiborne aboard to make the move.

Number four is apparently meeting with number five this afternoon. Hard to figure how that one will go, but some folks are already saying 'told ya so.'

If Claiborne is in, showdown -- two showdowns, if you want to be technical -- should be Monday, outside Camillus Fly's place. Doc (left) and the others are getting ready.

One way or the other, it appears next week will be the crucible. In other words, it's huckleberry season:

UPDATE: Our story recommences here.

To 'Revel' Properly, Allegheny County And InsolvenCity Should Party Like It's 1929

A word of caution if, as the Early Returners describe, Western Pennsylvanians are stepping forward to "revel" in their "capture of leadership posts across the state Capitol":

Please step back, InsolvenCity. You, too, Allegheny County.

Anyone expecting or even seeking a Commonwealth bailout -- pension, transportation or otherwise -- for Pittsburgh or Allegheny County lost substantial ground during the recent overhaul. One of Tom Corbett's earliest moves has vividly confirmed this setback.

Mayor Luke Ravenstahl, the Democrat who puts the "I" in "team" (must be how they spell it at North Catholic), uncharacteristically invested $50,000 in a fellow Democrat, House Appropriations chair Dwight Evans -- just before Democrats lost the House and budget bully Evans became former leader of that committee's Democrats. Bonus failures: The horse Ravenstahl bet on was lame, and the horse he bet against is from Monroeville.

(Can anyone else imagine how hard it must have been for the JP Morgan crew to keep up with this guy during lease negotiations?)

In general, Ravenstahl's strongest relationships in Harrisburg are the nonexistent ones, before and after the leadership changes.

Dan Onorato's influence in Harrisburg is now to be measured by the thimbleful. He not only lost the state; he lost Allegheny County (several laps behind Joe Sestak, indicating substantial alienation of the Democrats who know him best). Everyone knows the county budget has been held together with gum and Post-Its for several years, with Onorato assuming he and his family would be zipping past the Turnpike EasyPass reader at Monroeville, heading east for the governor's mansion, just as the county's finances collapsed. Instead of thinking about working with Onorato concerning Allegheny County's serious issues (let alone how they might help), Harrisburgers are wondering how Onorato plans to live up to a mid-six-figure salary as a law firm rainmaker.

Gov.-elect Corbett set an ominous tone for those expecting state cash by inducing Liquor Control Board members to refrain from approving a hundred-million-dollar increase in fees. It would have been easy for Corbett to allow a Rendell-appointed board to enact a Rendell-arranged revenue increase yesterday, just in time for the new administration to use the cash as a salve for a bad balance sheet, but Corbett instead sent a signal that should sober InsolvenCity.

Jay Costa, Joe Markosek and Frank Dermody have titles but little power. Mike Turzai, Tom Corbett and Sam Smith have power but little respect for the governments of Pittsburgh and Allegheny County.

Perhaps, if boozing in solitude at a Carson Street bar while your ostensible political allies are gathered at a reception a few blocks away constitutes "revelry," the Early Returners have it right: Revelry it is! Four Loko for everyone!

Just put it on the tab.

Infinonytune: 1999, Prince

Palin Has Confidence (And That's About All)

Will there really be enough resentful, bigoted, superstition-addled, xenophobic Caucasian males in America to elect an incurious, haphazardly educated, semiliterate quitter to the presidency in 2012?

Former half-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's answer: "YOU BETCHA!"

[Wink]

UPDATE: Mrs. Palin's mom-of-the-year resume just got even better. Let's hope she taught this one how to operate a condom.

UPPERDATE: The Palin family's looniness has apparently become so intense that it not only is contagious but also can be transmitted by television signals.

Infinonytune: Over My Head, Fleetwood Mac

The Political Parables Of Dan And Luke, Pat And Luke . . . And, As Of Today, Darlene And Luke

As Dan Onorato and a bought-and-paid-for crowd at the IBEW Hall watched a political career capsize on Election Night 2010, former pal Luke Ravenstahl was sitting in a darkened room a dozen Carson Street blocks west, without a crowd.

What was InsolvenCity's mayor contemplating as he paid the Onorato drink tax at Jimmie D's, his location and isolation reflecting the circumstances that had merged and then distanced two local political careers, neither of which appears to be worth much on the current market?

This, apparently.

Any imbecile would have learned from the Pat Ford-begets-FBI interviews episode that politicians who live in indictable houses should not throw stones. Any imbecile . . . but not, apparently, an imbestahl.

The List-Makers, no doubt, already have dibs on the popcorn concession.

New House GOP Leader: Republicans Screwed Up National Security Far Worse Than We Thought

Incoming House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Va.), after meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu recently, issued this statement recounting the discussion:

Eric stressed that the new Republican majority will serve as a check on the Administration and what has been, up until this point, one party rule in Washington. He made clear that the Republican majority understands the special relationship between Israel and the United States, and that the security of each nation is reliant upon the other.

The United States relies on Israel for American national security? Why would an adult say something so stupid? Is it in some right-wing Biblical interpretation? Did Rush Limbaugh announce it recently? Was it part of a Glenn Beck chart?

If Rep. Cantor does not believe what he said, he should recant. If he believes it, he should explain so our nation can correct the problem.

Either way, Rep. Cantor should check lost-and-found for his principles concerning "usurp[ing] the executive branch’s time-honored foreign-policy authority." It appears they have been abandoned.

Local Democrats' Biggest Helpers: Republicans

Which is worse . . . Democrats who have wrecked the Pittsburgh region, or Republicans so lame they can't even beat those losers?

Today's answer: Republicans. A hyperpartisan Tea Partier has announced plans to challenge the sole Republican on Allegheny County Council who attempts to accomplish anything worthwhile.

So the Republican plan for Allegheny County is: The spirit of Sharron Angle, Sarah Palin and Christine O'Donnell to the rescue!

Yeah, that'll work.

Best Police Work Since G20 Siege Of Oakland

Wild guess: These officers were visiting Pittsburgh for the first time since their G20-related duty.

Infinonytune: Everybody Needs Somebody To Love (Police Tribute Performance), The Blues Brothers

Prominent Pittsburgh Cases Generate Curious Connections Of Geography To Magisterial Justice

It is becoming difficult to determine which is stranger -- the decisions of some magistrates concerning high-profile criminal charges, or the associated geography.

When a city firefighter from a politically connected family was arrested, after storming into a South Side home to assault an elderly resident who had objected to the drunken firefighter's unlawful use of his hose, the defendant received kid-glove treatment from magistrate Ronald Costa. That's Upper Lawrenceville-Highland Park-Stanton Heights (wards 8, 10 and 11) magistrate Ronald Costa, whose jurisdiction is about as far from the South Side Flats as one could get without departing city limits (but exceptionally handy for residents of Upper Lawrenceville and Stanton Heights, such as the defendants).

Magistrate Kevin Cooper raised severe doubts about his judgment by swallowing laughably incredible police accounts of G20-related arrests with gusto -- then,more recently, dispelled all doubts by sending a prisoner back to the county jail after failing to observe, during the court proceeding, that the inmate's face (right) had been pummmeled to a bloody pulp at the jail. The G20 injustice occurred in Oakland (ward 4), the beaten inmate had been arrested in Polish Hill (ward 6), the jail is located in ward 1 -- and Cooper's jurisdiction is wards 12 and 13.

After ferocious defensive lineman Jabaal Sheard responded to police commands to stop beating a man by hurling that man through a glass door, then continuing the assault as police officers struggled to restrain him, felony charges against the Pitt football star were dismissed by magistrate Robert Ravenstahl, who ordered the defendant to a write an apology. That's north-of-North Side (wards 26 and 27) magistrate Robert Ravenstahl, handling yet another case from the South Side Intoxication District (ward 17).

Yesterday, a magistrate dismissed a felony charge against a police officer who drunkenly smashed a pedestrian with a vehicle. The incident occurred on the South Side (the driver was departing the Intoxication District, along Carson Street), the officer is employed by Kennedy Township, the victim was from the West End, so the case was adjudicated, naturally, by magistrate Robert P. Dzvonick -- of Etna.

Who is arranging these geographically curious matches of high-profile cases and low-quality judging -- and why?

Marcellus Mouthpiece Klaber Is Full Of It

Her resume indicates that Marcellus Shale Coalition mouthpiece Kathryn Klaber should be recognized as an authority on ossified deposits of dinosaur-era organisms, but when she rails indignantly about "straighforward attacks on individual property rights" she demonstrates that she's full of more recently deposited organic matter.

InsolvenCity Council Continues Confident Course

InsolvenCity Council's surprisingly steady walk toward independence and leadership (and it is becoming reasonable to dare imagine a day when effectiveness might be added to the list) passed a couple of milestones today.

First, a candidate emerged with respect to council's prospective engagement of independent legal counsel: Council President Darlene Harris asked her colleagues to consider Shannon Barkley (right), former contracts lawyer in the InsolvenCity law department. (A point that should not necessarily be held against her; sure, she worked there, but she also quit.)

Second, councilors countered forcefully (and unanimously) when the well-paid hacks of the Marcellus Shale Coalition issued vague threats concerning council's well-meaning (but imperfectly executed) efforts to ban in-city drilling. The Coalition raised jobs, spending and other economic benefits as a reason to permit drilling near schools and playgrounds; Mrs. Harris responded: "There's going to be a lot of jobs . . . for funeral homes and hospitals. That's where the jobs are. Is it worth it?"

Church + Popularity = Power, Then . . .

Ginny's Place would be even better if she would slow down on renting space long enough to find room, in a report such as this one, for an update on this story (or this one).