A Guide To Distinguishing Braddock Mayor John Fetterman From InsolvenCity Mayor Luke Ravenstahl

These pointers for distinguishing Braddock's John Fetterman from Pittsburgh's Luke Ravenstahl could come in handy if the two busted municipalities ever merge (perhaps arranging an interesting race for mayor):

• Fetterman (left) is the one who raises hell for his constituents to protest a swollen corporate freeloader's abuse of his town; Ravenstahl the one who raises hell with police outside a Steelers game, or repeatedly crashes an event on private property (after being told he isn't welcome) in pursuit of a photo op with a celebrity


• Fetterman is the one who accepts arrest like a man as the cost of civil disobedience; Ravenstahl (right) is the one who uses his elected position to whimper his way out of handcuffs after a drunken scrum with police, or uses his taxpayer-funded police escort to avoid arrest for defiant non-member trespass at a country club


• Fetterman is the one with the Harvard degree; Ravenstahl is the one destined to be subjected to the third degree


• Ravenstahl is the one continuously cocooned by a gangsta-class posse; Fetterman is the one who could break a troublemaker in half with bare hands, then cause Ravenstahl and the posse to faint by saying "boo"


• Fetterman is the one who appears on national television because Stephen Colbert is interested in his ideas and civic leadership; Ravenstahl is the one who appears on national television when the dogs that answer telephones, launch their own treats and pack their own suitcases cancel on Letterman

A Federal Appeals Court Grants Highmark The Day In Court Judge Schwab Attempted To Prevent

A federal appeals court has overturned Judge Arthur Schwab's denial of a day in court for Highmark with respect to disturbing claims of decidedly uncharitable conduct (a case Western Pennsylvanians should watch with care).

A Visit To Church Would Be Worthwhile Today

Virginia's place is looking especially spiffy today.

Perhaps she will spur a professional newsgatherer or two to check the rules (and the compliance) on when police officers are on or off duty, how many shots they're permitted to consume on duty, any limits to what officers are permitted to do on "special detail," any recordkeeping requirements concerning officers' location or actions on duty, and the like.

Rick's place is worth a stop, too.

Sunday Reading: Same Old Same Old Edition

Reason: The missing element of abortion 'debates'.

Kabul: Mission Accomplisheder.

Port Authority: Dumb and Dumber (good film, failed public policy).

Baghdad: Mission Accomplishedest.

Tom Joad's Place: Buy that ticket yet?

Oklahoma: Nothing says 'patriotism' quite like pasting a flag on a can of crappy beer.

Yinzer Admission Test: Current Events Section

3. When someone in InsolvenCity writes, "The sooner Pittsburgh gives up on this ghost, the sooner it can get on with the future," the obvious subject is:

(a) the city Democratic Committee;
(b) the pre-bankruptcy City of Pittsburgh;
(c) the Allegheny Conference;
(d) the Not-So-Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale;
(e) the Civic Arena;
(f) the pre-indictment Ravenstahl administration;
(g) Iron City Beer;
(h) the Urban Redevelopment Authority;
(i) the Pirates;
(j) the defined benefit public pension system;
(k) the Port Authority;
(l) Steelers exceptionalism;
(m) the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette;
(n) all of the above.

Please explain your answer.

Buy A Ticket: Take A Stand For Anne Feeney With Billy Price, Joe Grushecky, Justin Sane And Tom Joad At Mr. Smalls Funhouse On December 12th

An especially praiseworthy point about certain artists is that they (with those they entertain and inform) pay their own way in performing, operating on the admirable end of the curious American principle that the more well-heeled an audience, the more likely its amusement is to be subsidized by the public.

When symphony-loving conservatives criticize John Fogerty's left-leaning lyrics, or opera-fan Republicans complain about Bruce Springsteen's political involvement, or ballet patrons sneer at punk rockers for . . . well, for being punk rockers, these upper-crusters reveal a low-class lack of self-awareness concerning their high-society socialism. Unlike their critics' favored artists, Fogerty and Springsteen have earned every step up to their soapboxes -- and paid the taxes, too.

The lines blur at times -- it is always disheartening, for example, to watch a street-level rebel such as John Mellencamp descend into a gilded-caged attraction at Heinz Hall. In general, however, the rockers and punkers and rappers stand on their own two feet while the lecturers on free markets and self-sufficiency and the evils of socialism revel in collectivism when it funds their entertainments.

Perhaps it is unsurprising, then, that musicians such as bluesman Billy Price, rocker Joe Grushecky and punker Justin Sane -- accustomed to accountability for their own tab -- are willing and able to carry a little extra load for a colleague whose strength has been sapped.

Local treasure Anne Feeney, who has long sung for workers and rights and justice -- her first public performance (left) opposed the Vietnam War, on the Cathedral of Learning lawn in 1969 -- is ill. Some outstanding local musicians (Liz Berlin of Rusted Root, Hermie Granati, Mike Stout and the Human Union, Newlanders, Tres Lads, Joe Munroe) will join Anne Feeney and Friends (and Billy, and Joe, and Justin) on the Mr. Smalls Funhouse stage on Sunday, December 12, to help Anne Feeney.

For less than the cost of a cummerbund suitable for a RAD-subsidized night at the Benedum, attending Take A Stand: Rock For Anne could benefit a good cause, your ears and your soul. If you can't attend, buy a ticket anyway and consider it a non-corporate sponsorship of the ghost of Tom Joad, who will be outside Mr. Smalls that night but might be short the twenty bucks to get in.

Infinonytune: Have You Been To Jail For Justice?, Anne Feeney

Unsolicited Advice Series: Luke Ravenstahl

A couple of points to ponder with respect to your upcoming discussions with state legislators concerning the City of Pittsburgh's financial position:

Proposing five-figure raises for certain of your advisors seems unlikely to persuade anyone in Harrisburg that city government has become corrigible.

Your published declaration of unwillingness to consider any property tax increase puzzles some legislators, particularly those representing municipalities whose rates exceed those currently imposed in Pittsburgh.

A Milestone ... A Tombstone ... Or Just A Millstone?

LAZ-Morgan indicated that its offer to conduct the Not-So-Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale would expire today. Is that the latest information (given that 4 p.m. is quite late on government's official business clock)?

Infinonymous hereby withdraws its offer to provide to LAZ Parking advice at least twice as good as the advice LAZ purchased from other local sources.

Here's hoping Alan Lazowski calls Rich Lord soon to unload. Ideally after a few stiff Scotch-and-more-Scotches.

OK, That Was Fun; Time For The Epilogue?

As the calendar assumes control and the center of gravity meanders east, attention begins to turn toward sorting the flotsam, which includes the aspirations of law firms that expected to be paid from a torrent of cash at the consummation of the Not-So-Great InsolvenCity Parking Garage Sale.

Could one local firm be looking at a $4 million loss? Several other firms seem to be in line for smaller but nonetheless large hits. All of those firms may be looking at alternative sources of payment for their work, or at prospects concerning retribution. (If they were UPMC doctors rather than lawyers, of course, the partners could label the unpaid invoices "free care" and categorize the amount as a charitable contribution to the community.)

It is too early to wonder whether citizens will ever learn which local levers were assisting which business and political interests during the parking-and-pensions wrangling?

Sunday Reading: Reality-Based Edition

The Battlefield: Doing one's duty, with honor (or not?).

McKeesport: Volunteers at the front lines.

Myanmar: The opposite of honor.

The Radical Middle: When blinking is unaffordable.

The Yearbook Photo: The reality-based world, now for suckers?

Sam's Pen: Not-so-current but noteworthy events.

OK, Time For The Sunday Matinee . . .

The penultimate day of action places the Easterner with his new local braintrust (now including "the Loner," whose allegiances seem to have shifted), juggling telegraphs and ledgers and last-ditch ideas, trying to conjure the basis for the last stand set to occur tomorrow, if at all.

The local business interests that aligned with the Eastern financial interests earlier, when the situation seemed simpler -- K.L. Gates, the Irwin gang, Cohen -- can only watch, anxiously, as their prospective fortunes teeter. Even old man Morgan, who always has the angles in his favor (with an extra angle in reserve), is tense.

The mayor, no longer welcome at the Easterner's conference rooms, simmers his resentment alone (well, maybe with a saloon gal or two).

As the afternoon progresses, calculation turns to cursing. Cursing the missteps and misplaced allegiances. Daming those do-gooders who had inexplicably organized and developed a spine. Cursing the suddenly needed time that can't be had. Cursing the unlikely confluence of circumstances that had turned a sure thing -- a damned profitable one -- into a trainwreck. Cursing, as nightfall approaches, a sense that destiny will be anticlimactic, with the best traveling gunslingers money can buy reduced to packing popguns.

The foreshadowing is nearly one-sided, and nearly complete, but both sides remain nervous. The great fortunes at stake recede from focus as the story line pans, as always, to studies in human character.

Infinonytune: Once Upon A Time In The West, Dire Straits (part 2)

InsolvenCity Recovery: Dramatic Reenactment

It is difficult to forecast precisely how or when InsolvenCity is to be extracted from electoral ineptitude, administrative mismanagement and fiscal ruin, but when it occurs, it should look something like this:

Infinonytune: We Gotta Get Out Of This Place, The Animals

Police Exercise Uncharacteristic Restraint As Horde Of Amnesty Activists Invades InsolvenCity

It appears Amnesty International dodged a bullet -- rubber, of course, with a tear gas chaser -- downtown this afternoon, when a rally commemorating five decades of advocacy for peace and rights concluded without trouble.

Why no trouble? Mayor Ravenstahl has been so despondent lately he must have forgotten to order the sonic cannons, pepper bags and riot gear he customarily prepares for gatherings of peaceful civilians in InsolvenCity.

At right: Two dozen armed-and-armored imported headbusters from Chicago, deputized by Mayor Ravenstahl, establish order in Oakland by expertly subduing a single college kid long enough to take a trophy photo in front of Pitt's school of law.

OK, We Now Return To The Pictureshow As Our Weekend's Main Feature Continues . . .

The stirrin' about town commenced Friday, when number four -- until that moment knowed to be a loudly self-proclaimed upright citizen -- was a-seen in the company of them three outlaws whose incorrigibility had been assumed from day one.

The real street-clearin' started when word spread that a fifth gun might be ready to swing the balance of power. So far, though, after some nervous head checks and a few tense conversations, the count stands at four black hats, no more.

But that out-of-towner, visiting from the East -- with the fancy suits and pocketwatch, with his East Coast lawyers and sketchy landed interests, tryin' to angle how to fix his claim to a big local stake on legal papers down at the courthouse -- is makin' it known he's still recruiting. That fella's making his own moves now (done learned the hard way that the local muscle he hired wasn't up to the task at hand) . . . and he'll keep angling right up 'til the stagecoach takes him back East. Reckon that'll be sometime next week.

Dr. Dowd, of course, is number four. Always has been, for anyone attentive from the opening credits. Same with Mrs. Harris, five. So far, though, looks like Mrs. Harris still plans to walk the townfolk side of the street come Monday. But not, of course, before a few final turns of the tumbleweed.

How will the townsfolk finally count five at the showdown? Will Mrs. Harris still be wearing that star when it's guns, not words, what's being counted? Even after Mrs. Harris sets foot on the street, of course, we'll still wait to watch a couple of other characters leave the sheriff's door -- or not. Will there be a surprise defector walking instead through the hotel door, with the Easterner smiling through an upstairs window?

Probably not. Everyone knows Wyatt and Doc tend to be the ones standing after the smoke clears. But the suspense nonetheless makes it worth watching the story take us there, does it not?

By the by, for them's what's still a-puzzlin' over Camillus Fly and Claiborne and huckleberrys and whatnot, a codebook is here. OK?

Infinonytune: Time Warp, The Rocky Horror Picture Show

The Same Old Drip . . . Drip . . . Drip At InsolvenCity's Water And Sewer Authority

Is this the Water and Sewer Authority's way of disclosing that Iron City Brewing never made that September payment?

Might it have been better for ratepayers had the Ravenstahl administration changed bill collectors rather than solicitors at the authority?

Infinonytune: Dirty Water, The Standells